Back to this fun series as we did so much decluttering last week that I don’t even want to think about it for the time being. 😛 Today’s feminine inspiration is Valeria Lipovetsky, model/lifestyle guru of YouTube and Instagram.
The inspiring part of Valeria’s life that I want to touch on today isn’t actually what most people follow her for! I’m not particularly interested in luxury fashion, skincare/beauty rituals, the high-end restaurant scene etc. I’m all here for her take on parenting.
I know, I know–we’re chatting femininity and I think the general millennial/gen Z perception is that there couldn’t be anything less glamorous than motherhood. Wiping snotty noses, messy highchairs, changing diapers, the postpartum period, ferrying kids to soccer practice… I mean really, where’s the feminine elegance in any of that?
Valeria did a Q&A once and answered a question about her parenting philosophy, and I really loved it. She said she went into parenting with ideas about the mother she would be, but her boys shaped her into the parent they needed. She and her husband aren’t authoritarian parents and don’t run a child-centered household. They focus on recognizing the humanity in their kids and helping them grow into the people they were meant to be–and they take their kids along on plenty of adventures. They don’t postpone life until their children are older.
And there’s a fine line, I think, recognizing that some things simply aren’t fun or appropriate for babies and young kids (say, 7-mile mountain hikes or staying out til 11pm at 5-star restaurants). But at the same time, it’s better for kids not to live in child-centered households where everything revolves around them.
That’s such a 90s approach to parenting–really, an American approach to parenting–and I too feel the pressure sometimes. After all, in this cutthroat, capitalist country, we want our kids to survive and thrive! So we (the collective we) feel like our kids need to attend language immersion daycare, play all the sports from the time they’re old enough, play musical instruments, make art, volunteer, and so many other things. Why would we leave room for simply enjoying life when we could be honing our kids’ competitive edge?
My parents never pushed me academically, never pushed me to do sports or music or anything I didn’t want to do. I was encouraged to try hard at the things I loved, but my childhood had plenty of margin for enjoying life. And I think that’s so unique, and it’s a value that I want to perpetuate in my parenting even though it’s SO difficult and alternative here.
My parents let me grow into myself in many ways. They had their flaws like all of us, but they weren’t authoritarian. They made space (and still make space) for me to really talk to them about my real life and dreams and goals, and to pursue the things that made my heart sing. And I love that for someone whose job is so image-drive, like Valeria’s, that she also just lets her kids be kids, be themselves, and appears to enjoy being around them.
I’m not a fan of the mommy martyr culture but it’s hard to imagine I wouldn’t come to resent my kids in a major way if I made my whole life about them and their getting ahead. Which is a very important reminder to myself to not do that.
Who are your parenting inspirations, famous or not?
xx Claire