Happy Inauguration Day tomorrow! I’ll be 36 weeks in a couple of days actually. I haven’t updated in almost a month! It’s felt like a lot longer than a month unfortunately.
Honestly? I’m not doing very well. I hesitated to update at all because I tend to be someone who withdraws from friends, family, and the world in general when I’m struggling. I’m getting better about that though, and I wanted to have at least one more pregnancy update before I have this little guy.
I’m nauseous all the time, have a billion food aversions, sleep like absolute crap and my mental health is in the toilet (partially as a result of the crap sleep, partially just because hormones). I can’t be on my feet for more than 15-20 minutes at a time because the pelvic pressure and contractions are so intense.
I have been to the hospital for preterm labor. My body is ready enough for baby that they gave me the steroid shots to speed up his lung development in case he shows up early (so it was good that I went in, even though it felt like I was overreacting).
My old OB was pushy and disrespectful to me about one of the choices I’ve made for my health, so I switched clinics very late in pregnancy. I appreciate that healthcare workers are going through a tough time right now, but I also need to play an active role in my own healthcare and not be ridiculed for asking questions.
Pandemic restrictions are beginning to lift here, but I can’t do risky things now or else possibly have COVID during labor. That would mean a bunch of restrictions on me during my hospital stay. MN is doing pretty well but we are still clocking in at ~1000 new cases per day.
Outdoors is hardly an option either due to the cold, snow, and ice right now.
Little E still needs speech therapy + learning all of the coaching methods to use at home, occupational therapy, toddler class (for his socialization), and his special dietary needs and supplements on top of being 18 months old, which is a very time and energy-intensive age! And childcare from outside the home isn’t an option right now due to COVID exposure risks and the cost. (I want to say that we’re lucky to have my mom, who babysits a lot on the weekends and I’m extremely grateful for!!) I love him more than I can say, but being nine months pregnant with a high-needs toddler is a lot.
I got into a big fight with a family member and now we’re no contact. It’s for the better but fighting stresses me out. I’m a conflict-averse person in general, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. It’s just unfortunate when that conflict occurs during an already-stressful time of life.
I feel very… stuck. When baby gets here, it’s not going to solve all those problems, but constantly feeling physically ill on top of all the other stressors? It feels like way too much–I could handle the extra toddler responsibilities, or the pandemic, or the political stuff, or the family crap, or the sickness, or the mental health stuff–but combined it’s just an insane amount of stress. Thank God for my therapist, Eric, and my mom and sister!
I did not know what I was getting into when we decided to have our second child last year. Of course he’s extremely wanted (for those people who have insinuated that it was an “oopsie baby”–honestly, piss off). But this pregnancy has been infinitely more difficult than my first and I can say with certainty that I am not having another child until this pandemic is over or we have left the country for a more competent one.
(In Januaries, my competent country of choice is usually Australia. Someone get me 80 degrees and palm trees, stat!)
Anyways, I’ll probably talk to you from the other side of pregnancy! Hopefully sooner rather than later. But not too soon as I’m not full-term yet and would prefer no NICU time if possible!