Hello, friends! I’ve unbanned myself from my computer this evening–I’ve stuck to pen-and-paper journalling lately–to write an actual blog post. I have 18 minutes before I need to do some yoga, have a snack and “hit the hay” as my mom would say, so it will be brief 😛
Over the years I’ve found myself drawn to a certain type of person, people who I admire and/or cultivate friendships with. Fiona Ferris occasionally refers to herself as a “Pollyanna” but I think that’s a bit insulting to her type of person. I prefer to think of them as women who cultivate their own gardens, realizing that they are only in control of themselves and choosing to focus on what they can control. Women who choose happiness, lightness, forgiveness and unashamed femininity on a daily basis.
Perhaps I’ve sought women who seem like an antidote to my often too anxious and sometimes pessimistic personality, the type of person I aspire to be and (I feel) after many years of struggle, I am finally becoming. I wrote my college entrance essay on this quote by Voltaire:
One must cultivate one’s own garden.”
It’s true, isn’t it? The world in recent years has felt like an incredibly overwhelming, negative place that’s only sliding farther downhill by the minute. And we’re all hyperaware of all its problems thanks to social media and the 24/7 news cycle.
But there is a solution when things feel too heavy to carry, and that is simply to set down the burdens that are not yours and focus on improving your own self and life.
Since having children I have realized that this is far from selfish. Other people–my kids of course, but also my husband, family of origin, friends, even acquaintances or chance meetings–benefit from interacting with someone who is positive, centered, secure and serene. I’m not about to run for president or cure cancer, so it really is my best tangible way to contribute to the world.
Practical Ways to Cultivate Your Mental Garden
You know that popular song lyric, “I can buy myself flowers”? It would be far better to grow your own flowers, right? Seems more sustainable and long-lasting. Here are ways I’ve been cultivating my mental peace and contentment lately.
- Create sustainable and flexible routines. Routines free you from having to think about the little everyday decisions, so you can be more present and devote your energy to dealing with stuff that’s important to you (for me, parenting, self-care, other relationships at the moment). It’s too easy as a SAHM to just let the days go where they will–a little structure benefits all of us.
- Journal. I told Eric recently that I think journalling–something I did every day as a teenager–is a practice that can benefit anyone. Often you do not realize what is in your head until it’s down on paper, and sometimes those thoughts look confronting when they’re written in black ink in front of your eyes. I have learned an incredible amount about myself by journaling through the years, and it has made me a better, more self-aware person.
- Unplug early and often. I’ve been off Instagram entirely again lately. What is it about that one social media outlet that simultaneously makes me feel like I’m trying too hard, not enough, going in the wrong direction and also way too far in any direction? Regardless, I set down my phone by 8:30pm these days and choose to have more peaceful evenings. It felt weird at first, but my sleep and mental state have really improved by going ten straight hours every day with no outside contact.
- Choose not to wallow. This year I’m coming up on the 10-year mark of heading off to college and leaving my childhood behind, so I’ve been feeling nostalgic this month. It’s important to feel your feelings, positive and negative, but not to dwell on past mistakes, regrets or to wonder what have been. Choose to direct that energy into something productive for your future instead. (And yes, as I write this, I’m blasting “Helluva Life” by Frankie Ballard on my headphones–but I’m writing!)
- Choose to look away from tragedies you cannot influence. It is good to be informed in a basic sense so go ahead, scan the headlines and research who you vote for. Beyond that, why are we reading, commenting, and diving down rabbit holes, whether it’s about politics, true crime or the latest celeb scandal? Don’t feed your mind junk. Read books, watch classic movies, see real art, engage in relationships that fill your cup.
How do you cultivate your mental garden? I’d love to hear your tips in the comments below.
xx Claire