We’ve had a busy start to summer and I’m excited for things to quiet down a bit, now that the kid(s) are starting some camps and the initial “see everyone and do everything!” has worn off.
I can hardly believe we’re already halfway through June–kindergarten back-to-school activities start in just two months. We’ll see how it goes this year. I’m not committing to our school choice for life; we’re going to take it one term at a time.
Sometimes, like last weekend, I realize how much happier the kids (and Eric and I) are when life goes slowly. It was scorching hot on Sunday afternoon and we thought we might head to the local pool again, but we were also tired. So we set up the sprinkler in the backyard and the kids played all afternoon in their bathing suits while we sat around slapping mosquitoes–this year is terrible for them here–and chatting.
It feels to me like everything about modern life, from public schools to societal expectations of kids/families to the food industry, is set up so that we’ll do more and do it faster. I already feel the doubt that we’re not doing enough sometimes. That we haven’t traveled enough with the kids, they’re not in any competitive sports league, they don’t take music lessons or art classes or even have their own rooms.
What is this culture’s obsession with everyone having their own rooms, anyways? If it works out that way, great. But it’s not torture to have two or even three, dare I say it, to a room, IMO. Maybe I feel that way because my kids don’t hang out a lot in their rooms. But I digress.
I worry that they won’t know left from right in pop culture because I don’t give them screens, or that kids will laugh because they’ve never eaten mac n’ cheese before (though this is more of a “Claire hates mac n’ cheese” problem than anything else). They haven’t watched movies, besides nature documentaries when they’re sick. I’m already anticipating my oldest meeting kids with smartphones in elementary school, and having to have that whole chat with him.
I worry that my kids who are used to spending hours outside every day won’t do well sitting in classrooms learning phonics or addition. My oldest has a natural interest in writing at the moment, but I worry that too much forced practice will make him hate it. It’s often hard to separate my own negative feelings towards grade school as a child, from his future experience.
I wonder if more parents feel like everything is wrong with our education system and parenting values as a society at the moment. I wonder how far I will go to give my kids the education I want them to have. Am I just going to be that super obnoxious crunchy mom on the PTA, or will I end up homeschooling? Will I trade in my own smartphone for a dumb phone when it breaks next time, so I don’t feel like a hypocrite when I tell my kids no?
During the pandemic we found a local farm and started buying raw milk. We haven’t been there in a while but have plans to visit again soon. The owners are wonderful and gave us a guided tour the first time we stopped by. My second was only a baby then.
I remember feeling like that was my first tangible step towards a more down-to-earth life, talking with the owner about how she makes sour cream from fresh milk by leaving it in a warm spot on the counter. I had thought on it for so long. We stood outside in the unmowed grass between the hog run and the dairy cow pasture. It was a hot and sunny August day.
In some ways, I felt like I didn’t recognize myself. Who was this person of action, not navelgazing but actually getting out and making changes to our family’s life?
When the pandemic first passed and I looked back at how quickly my beliefs and opinions on health, wellness and politics had changed during that time, I felt ashamed. I felt like I didn’t recognize myself.
But it was me, all of it. I own that now. Life with kids is full of uncertainty and will be until the day I pass away. I am learning to trust that I will make the best decisions I can in the moment–many things cannot be planned in advance. I try to surround myself with people who are not afraid to make unpopular choices to raise their children in the way they think is best. If something is not working out, I know we will find a better way.
For now, we’re enjoying our summer!
xx Claire