Friday was one of those days. I had a doctor’s appointment, little A had OT, Eric was at the office across town for several hours and got home late. Multiple people got annoyed at me for not responding fast enough to messages (sorry! I promise I’m trying my best), little A woke up an hour early from his nap and screamed the whole time as I rushed around doing chores.
Then when I took everyone to the park for some outside time, little E played in the mud–I was too tired to stop him and it’s probably good for his immune system–and required a full change when we got home.
By the time Eric got home I was in a m o o d and yes, I ordered pizza, tossed the kids at Eric and took a break alone in our bedroom. Sometimes you have to throw in the towel.
Anyways, that’s not what this post is about but just a glimpse at our ups and downs in case you think our life is perfect. Far from it, friends!
Your Thoughts are Not Reality
This is an idea from The Untethered Soul (which I read in 2018, it’s a wonderful book that I recommend to anyone, no matter your age or life experiences).
The idea is if something pops into your head, it’s not necessarily true in the objective sense. Some examples of this could be:
- If you’re worried all the time about dying from cancer, a car accident, etc–that doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to you! Intrusive thoughts are not an omen. And obsessive worrying about it (beyond basic prevention) won’t prevent it anyways.
- If you feel guilty or bad about yourself when someone flies off the handle at you, that doesn’t actually mean you were in the wrong. The other person could simply have been having a bad day.
- If you feel ashamed about a hobby you do, the way you want to dress, or the career you’d like to have, that doesn’t necessarily mean those things are shameful. Maybe you were raised to believe that they were, when they’re actually quite normal!
Obviously, I could go on. Just because you think something doesn’t mean it’s true.
In Practice
I don’t think I actually understood that the first, second, or twentieth time I read it. Because I certainly didn’t act on it.
- When I first became a SAHM, I felt like I woke up every single day having an identity crisis. I so wanted to be doing exactly what I was–but I also felt guilty, like I wasn’t making the most of my brain, expensive college degree, or being a good feminist. And I let guilt dictate my self-esteem for quite some time!
- Someone also told me fresh out of college that I couldn’t possibly do freelance writing because I had no experience. I internalized that for years and took it as reality. When of course, it isn’t. How is one supposed to get experience without actually well… getting experience?
- For a long time, I felt ashamed of wanting to be feminine. (That has a long back story that I’m not going to get into now–but anyways.) Because I felt ashamed, I thought femininity itself was objectively shameful, superficial, and embarrassing, which is objectively quite sexist. And yet at the same time I was very jealous of people who weren’t afraid to show their girly side. What a miserable mind space to be in!
Truly, when we believe all of our immediate thoughts and reactions–especially if we come from places of childhood trauma, broken families, mental health problems that haven’t been adequately addressed, etc–we are limiting our personal growth and thus our ability to reach a place of lasting contentment, where true peace and happiness are possible.
Actually, thinking about yesterday ties in quite nicely to this post. In the past, I would have felt horribly guilty if I wasn’t doing housework, caring for the kids, or otherwise contributing to the family from sunup to sundown. I mean, I thought being a housewife was useless enough–but an imperfect housewife? I couldn’t face it.
When in reality, being a housewife or SAHM is still a career choice–not laziness–and can still really drain your batteries on a tough day. These days, I order pizza and take breaks when I’m in a bad headspace without guilt. I’m not afraid to admit that being a full-time caregiver is tough, and I’m okay being a mediocre mom sometimes. Often, actually!
Anyways, so this doesn’t get too lengthy: don’t take everything you think seriously. Be an observer of your thoughts. Consider them for truthfulness before letting them dictate your life.
xx Claire