I’m a 90s child; Eric and I are technically the very youngest millennials, born in ’94 and ’95. (Cradle robber, I am! Seven weeks older than my husband ;P) And like many millennials, I’m a child of feminists and the attitude that men and women are created perfectly equal. But during college, I began to reject that idea. And now as a late 20-something, I reject it wholeheartedly.
We deserve equal rights, yes!
The rights to vote, to earn as much as men for the same work, and to feel safe walking alone at night–just to name a few.
But were we truly created equal—the same as men? No. There is overlap in our abilities, certainly, and some women who are better at “masculine” pursuits than many men. But there are also many unique features of womanhood that men do not experience and cannot truly understand. These differences come from both our genes and our experience being socialized as women growing up.
The culture that I and many grew up in, taught us that these feminine parts of ourselves were drawbacks. They made us weaker, lesser, silly or frivolous. From our feminine bodies and menstrual cycles, to childbearing and nursing, to aspects of personality that tend to be more common in women (whether they’re due to nature or nurture, we each have our own opinions–and that’s a debate I’m not about to get into here). There is much we’ve learned to hate, reject or smother within ourselves.
I was raised to embrace and aspire to stereotypically “masculine” traits and goals.
To stuff down my shyness, my dislike of competing, my nurturing and beautifying nature, my desire to be a stay-at-home mom someday, and my “prissiness.” (I distinctly remember being laughed at in 3rd grade for saying “pardon me?” instead of “what?” to my teacher one day–my mom was always a stickler on that one.)
I felt ashamed of being a girl. I always strove to be more forward, more competitive, to find a career I was passionate about (instead of wanting kids and the SAHM mom life). To swear and be sarcastic in high school, like the cool girls, instead of being polite, reserved, “boring.” To prevent my fertility by taking the pill. To wear trendy, revealing clothes that looked “sexy” instead of girly, understated, flattering and modest clothes that are my preferred style.
Rome wasn’t built in a day and I’m not finished transforming my views of femininity to positive ones, not by a long shot.
But over time, I’ve come to embrace my femininity as unique, beautiful, and as strengths.
I love dressing up, particularly in dresses. I feel like a different person in a casual dress and light makeup, so I wear them often now. Eric always comments on how much he loves when I wear dresses and how I carry myself more confidently in them. So that’s a perk, too 🙂
When I first became a mom, I had this nagging feeling that staying home and caring for my child instead of going back to the workforce was debasing myself, somehow. But over time, I’ve explored this feeling and come to realize that it’s rooted in a culture that equates accomplishments—degrees, job title, salary—with worth. Staying at home with my kids is an incredible privilege that’s worth the financial sacrifice for our family, and it’s something I’m uniquely qualified to do as a nursing, nurturing mother.
Speaking of which, the ability of my body to create, bear, and feed a child is amazing. Especially after my last labor and delivery experience, which was completely unmedicated, I am in awe of the female body. I felt euphoric when they placed little A on my chest! Like, I really did that?! It was such a beautiful, primal, intense, exhilarating experience that made me feel connected to countless generations of mothers past.
There’s no real tl;dr here because my journey isn’t over yet. But if you feel like I did about femininity, I want to encourage you to ask yourself why and if it’s serving you. Maybe it is. We’re all on different paths. But maybe it isn’t, and if it’s not, I want to encourage you to really think and consider living counterculturally. We only have one life to live on Earth, and it’s far too short to spend fighting our true natures and desires in life.
And lastly, if you got this far and you don’t like what I had to say—ask yourself why my personal views and experiences offend you. Again, it’s just me and my little echo chamber on the Internet. If you don’t agree, you can click away and forget about me.