Happy first week of school, everyone! I have two kids in preschool now and I’m loving getting back into a routine. I’m someone who thrives when we’re busier and have more structure in our days–it feels like the time flies in a good way, and of course fall is my favorite season.
Something Eric and I have worked on this year is getting more comfortable with hosting family and friends for meals. We don’t have a “host x meals per month” quota or anything like that, but I’ve tried to seize the opportunity to invite people over for food when the moment seems right.
My parents were excellent host and hostess growing up, both before and after they divorced. So many of my childhood memories are brunches with extended family, summer barbecues or winter pizza nights with friends or my dad’s coworkers, birthday parties, Christmas dinners, the annual Christmas party they hosted (and invite dozens of people), etc.
Practicing hospitality was an important part of our lives, and it’s important to me to role model that practice for our kids. Sharing a meal with others makes them to feel cared for and accepted in a way that inviting someone on a walk or to the playground does not. It strengthens relationships in a unique way!
How to Host a Meal Without Losing Your Mind
Please do not think that I am always the serene, organized hostess who floats around unhurried and has everything prepared ten minutes before my guests arrive. Eric can tell you that I still sometimes misestimate time/energy needs to get a meal and the cleaning done, and I’m stomping around two minutes before people arrive snipping at him about how he didn’t wipe the spilled soup on the table last night BEFORE it dried.
I’m far from perfect 🙂 but, I’ve learned some important lessons this year about managing meal prep, kids and expectations in a way that makes hosting more appealing to us and our guests.
Pick a meal you know inside and out. Do not make creme brûlée for the first time. Do not grill steak if you have never grilled steak before. We have limited ourselves to hosting two types of meals this year: Sunday brunch and Friday pizza night. For brunch, we make bacon, an egg dish, a carb (sometimes homemade muffins or just something store bought), and fruit salad. For pizza night, I have frozen GF crusts for Eric, I make my favorite homemade pizza dough recipe, and we have a variety of toppings prepared for people to use.
Be kind to yourself and pick something easy, delicious and predictable–so you can focus on your guests and not on trying not to set the food on fire.
Start earlier than you think you need to, because the baby will make four diapers in an hour, the older kids will have a fight that requires your involvement and you will spill pizza sauce on your shirt and need to change.
Let your guests contribute or even ask them to contribute something to the table. I don’t like showing up empty-handed to a meal at someone else’s house, and I like having an assignment so I don’t bring a duplicate. Everyone likes to feel useful and see others enjoying their dish!
Make sure the kids have entertainment options for before and after the meal. And I don’t necessarily mean screens. It’s a great day for a toy and book rotation, a new (non-messy) art project, and some pre-meal reminders on how to respectfully ask for an adult’s attention i.e. without yelling or interrupting. Manners take lots of practice, and having guests is a good time to hone those skills. Don’t plan a meal during nap time!!
Let the time flow naturally. I like to have a bit of a stand-around and chat before a meal, an unhurried mealtime and then some time to relax and talk in the living room with a drink (alcoholic or not) after food. It feels weird to me to rush immediately into eating the moment someone arrives, and shoo them out the door as soon as the plates are cleared. We invite people over to enjoy the time with them so unhurried is the word of the day.
It’s not about the food, your house or your stories. I have been to meals in spotless homes with incredible food, but the host was absent or in a bad mood–not fun. Conversely, I have been served mediocre or even bad food in normal messy homes but had an amazing time. What makes a difference is the host’s attitude. If they are stressed, it feels like you as the guest are a burden and nobody likes to feel that way. If they are enjoying themselves, you’re glad you showed up and you feel good!
What are your best tips for keeping the stress down whilst hosting?Â
xx Claire