Bit of a random topic for today’s post, but I was thinking about an experience I had earlier this week.
Due to my dysregulated microbiome, I’m quite prone to certain types of infections–which aren’t life-threatening, just annoying–and unfortunately end up at the doctor’s office more than I’d like. Anyways, usually they’ll run a nice panel of tests for me and it always turns out to be one of three of the same problems, but occasionally more than one.
I was at the doctor earlier this week and for some reason she had a real attitude. She found one problem and didn’t want to test for the other usual suspects. I wanted to get them all over with because we’re going on vacation soon and I don’t want to be dealing with health problems away from home.
Unfortunately as I was headed to the lab, she was telling her nurse about how annoying I was for wanting to run all the tests even though she didn’t feel it was necessary. Then she turned around and saw me right there behind her. (I guess I walk silently… oops.) Awkward. She didn’t apologize but just left.
I stewed on it for a couple of days before I decided to call and leave a complaint. I don’t see this doctor normally, it’s usually another doctor at the clinic who I really like. But I really felt like her rudeness was unnecessary given that my history of these problems is right there in my medical record.
The woman I spoke to was lovely, apologetic (even though I told her it wasn’t her fault) and listened to what I had to say. I also told her that I’d had a couple of problems with a different doctor there during one of my pregnancies–including during labor & delivery–and she was again so empathetic.
I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I realized that the problem wasn’t really this woman’s rudeness (as she’s not my normal doctor) but the fact that I already felt that conventional medicine didn’t listen to or care about me, given several previous negative experiences. The second I felt like someone was listening, I felt so relieved.
“Crunchy” Moms
Last year I did a deep dive into the crunchy mom life after a horrible experience during my second labor and delivery. It’s hard to label it as traumatic, given that my own recovery was so short and easy, and I did achieve my sought-after unmedicated delivery.
But because I had a very precipitous labor and a very young, inexperienced nurse who did not believe me when I told her I was in transition (probably because I’m a pretty relaxed, high-pain-tolerant person and she was like, “there’s no way this woman is about to have a baby”), there almost wasn’t a doctor or a nurse in the room for the delivery. And given that little A had a super tight, knotted nuchal cord, the situation could have been very dangerous for him.
It might have been, honestly–he’s being evaluated by pediatric neurology at Mayo Clinic in May. But I digress.
I also slightly resent that the doctor ran into the room at the last second and told me to wait until she washed her hands to start pushing and I was like… I’m not sure if you’ve ever experienced delivering a baby before, but that’s not how this works. (Yeah, I’m sure that won me points in our patient-doctor relationship lol. I’m snarky when I’m uncomfortable.)
Before anyone comments about birth centers or home birth, please be aware that these are not options for me because of my tendency to hemorrhage before, during, and after birth. I have “risked out” of midwifery care already, as per the words of multiple midwives 🙂
Anyways, that really pushed me off the deep end into all kinds of crunchy holistic voodoo Evangelical nonsense. I’ll leave it at that. And I still think that healthy skepticism of conventional medicine is good, because in my experience problems do get overlooked more than they should–because nothing should be overlooked and women should be believed about their own bodies.
But I was part of a Facebook group that promoted a certain alternative health lifestyle for a few months (I won’t name it because some people might find value in it, and who am I to tell them that they don’t?). The one part of the lifestyle that I never entertained was the supplements, because I’m not made of money quite frankly.
A woman posted about her experience with a very popular supplement and told people it basically tore up her gut and gave her semi-permanent digestive issues, including intestinal bleeding. Yikes! Well, do you know what the group moderator had to say about that?
She said, and I paraphrase: “Are you sure it was the [supplement name] that caused this stuff? I had a stomach virus last week that caused some of the problems you’re talking about.” Helloooo gaslighting in medicine!
That exchange made me realize that health practitioners of all sorts–from the most decorated veteran OB to whichever Instagram or Facebook health guru you choose to follow–are capable of this behavior. Because asking anyone, doctor or not, to open their minds to the possibility that what they believe and teach is wrong, is very very difficult.
People don’t like criticism. People don’t like admitting they were wrong. People especially don’t like that the ideas they base their livelihoods and worldviews on could be wrong. Because it would shatter reality as they know it, and that can be quite traumatic–even if they’re acting to the detriment of their own wellbeing and the wellbeing of others at the moment. Personal insecurities should not play a part in medicine, but they do, because doctors are human too.
Parting Thoughts
Writing this post has been on my mind for a long time. I actually wrote a longform piece that’s hiding away in my Google Docs, that’s a much more detailed and intense version. I don’t think I will ever share it, but it greatly helped me process my last pregnancy, L&D, and the mental effects of the pandemic.
Remembering my entire fraught journey with the worlds of conventional and alternative medicine over the last eight years helps me stay balanced in my thoughts on health and medicine in general. Conventional medicine has been good and bad for me–alternative medicine has been good and bad for me.
They both have their place in life, and no practitioner or lifestyle is perfect or a cure-all. Pharmaceutical companies do amazing things like keeping my FIL alive for years after his cancer diagnosis. They also do horrible things, like conceal side effects of medications until it’s no longer in their best interest. Alternative medicine can empower people–it certainly helped me regulate my hormones after years of issues–and it can also drain their time and money doing things that only damage their health more, like taking dodgy overpriced supplements that give them gut problems. I believe that woman, anyways.
The good part to come out of this is really that I have empathy now. For the essential oil moms, the anti-vaxxers (yes, seriously), the people who obsessively hate anti-vaxxers, that group moderator on Facebook, people who simply dread going to doctor’s appointments and even that one doctor who thinks I’m annoying. Medicine is an emotionally complicated matter. And if you want to share any of your own experiences below, please feel free (you can definitely comment as a guest or anonymously if you prefer).
xx Claire