Lately I’ve been scarce on social media, but very present on the blog. A true indication that I am stressed, as writing is my outlet and social media is always the first thing to go when I’m feeling overwhelmed.
Nothing bad has happened, but there is SO much going on in our lives right now.
Big kids’ milestones and learning new things. So many medical appointments for them. People coming into town, coming over, friend and family life milestones happening in July and August. Little E’s birthday last week! The school year coming up. Working on our local food goals. And all the uncertainty over pandemic life, present and future.
From the moment I wake up in the morning to the moment my head hits the pillow at night, I’m doing something. Caring for and working with the kids; cleaning the house; cooking; managing all of our appointments, budget, things we need; managing our social calendars; planning and working on home projects; running errands; hosting or going out with family and friends. Etc, etc, etc.
I feel like I am barely keeping my head above water. Eric and I are fortunate in many ways, and I don’t feel like things are falling apart–but I am definitely “at capacity” right now.
Things are getting forgotten, tabled, or done last-minute more than is typical for me. My skin and sleep are feeling the stress. I don’t feel like I have time to soak things in, but nothing can be cut out at the moment, so it is what it is.
On Instagram a few weeks ago, I shared a video that I’ll re-share here. It’s very short, FYI!
When I’m feeling overwhelmed, I try to remind myself that just because I feel like I’m barely holding to together DOESN’T mean I’m not fit to be a mom. For most of humanity, women had their mothers, sisters, grandmothers, aunts, cousins, etc to help them manage their households and raise their children.
It is harder to be a mom today in many ways. Not that I see myself as some martyr, because I chose this. But it’s hard. And I don’t have much female support IRL (besides my mom who is a freaking saint, thanks Mom, I love you <3).
Sometimes I feel bitter. But in the future, I know I will be able to provide better support to people in my life who need it because I will have been in their shoes. I can’t change other people, but I can use my experiences to build the kind of relationships and society (on a micro level) that I want and believe should exist.
Overwhelm, gratitude, empathy. Jumbled thoughts from today.