When I’m in a slump in parenting, relationships, or life in general–it’s usually because I’ve forgotten to embrace uncertainty. It’s so simple, but so easy to forget.
When I’m anxious–it’s usually because I’m feeling resistant to the uncontrollables and unknowns of life. But being anxious doesn’t change those things.
When I first started blogging a veryyy long time ago (hello, 10 year blogging anniversary this month!), I got hooked on the blog of my now-friend Kristy, Southern In-Law. At the time, Kristy and her husband had just experienced a lot of change over a few years. From health problems, to the immigration process, to marriage, to starting a business, and just about everything in between. I remember feeling so inspired by her positive and enthusiastic outlook on the future with all its twists and turns–embracing the process of unfolding.
It was a new concept for me, as someone who liked having my whole future planned out to a T and fell to pieces whenever things didn’t go as planned. This new resilient mindset was the missing puzzle piece for me to build a meaningful, lower-stress life.
That’s not to say that being busy or motivated are bad things–but sometimes, having a type A personality can seriously get in the way of soaking up life’s little moments.
Because that’s all of life, really, isn’t it? We hit milestones but never really “get there” or stop growing like we expect to as kids. Our whole lives, if lived well, are the in-between. Here are some tangible tips for letting go of the reins.
Focus on improving the things you can control in life
Sometimes I’ve spent so much time worrying about things that I can’t control, that I’ve totally neglected the ways I can change my life. Focusing on my health, marriage and parenting, beautifying our home, working on the blog/freelancing, planning our travels, getting involved in our community… there are so many productive ways to spend my time and energy, rather than worrying.
Tip: if you find yourself ruminating frequently, pick a passion project to work on to redirect that energy. I like to dive back into writing when I’m in that kind of mood.
Remind yourself of the things you can’t control
These include:
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- What other people feel or do… especially your kids! True gentle parenting (read: not permissive parenting) centers around controlling your own reactions to your kids–not controlling your kids.
- What goes on in the government or world. At the moment, I can vote and that’s about all I have the capacity to do. Maybe you’re the same. Some people might see this viewpoint as disempowering; I see it as the opposite. It frees us to focus our time and energy on the here and now of our lives.
- Things you can’t control about your body, like my husband having celiac disease.
- Where you live. For some people this IS changeable. For some people, family/money/logistics require them to remain in a certain place; this is true for us at the moment. I don’t like Minnesota winters (especially after the holidays) but there’s no use complaining when we’ll be here a while yet.
Let go of the past with a thank-you and move on
Whether it’s something small like finding a new doctor or something big like buying a new house, it’s hard to leave things behind. It’s comfortable to stick with what we know, even when it’s not serving us anymore. But that’s the thing–it won’t benefit you to resist necessary change. Part ways at the appropriate time, with gratitude, rather than desperately cling to an outdated MO.
Look forward to the unknown with excitement rather than fear
Sometimes, I fret about the future–where we will live in ten years? What will the world be like then? How will we know when we’re done growing our family? I’m impatient and I want the answers, like, yesterday. But there’s a flip side to that coin: the uncertainty is actually the exciting part of life. We’d be bored if we knew exactly how everything would turn out! Flip that anxiety on its head and look forward to the future with anticipation. The best is yet to come.
Trust your god, the universe, or whatever you believe in to take you where you need to go
If you’re Christian, I love the verse: ” ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future’ ” (Jeremiah 29:11). I read it a lot when we lived in California and I felt stuck in life, and I still often meditate on it when it feels hard to embrace uncertainty.
Read uplifting books and blogs that embrace change and uncertainty
In addition to Southern In-Law, I love these newsletters, Fiona Ferris and Jennifer Melville books, Scandi lifestyle books (especially those about lagom or sisu), and inspiring memoirs like One Yes At A Time. Fill your mind with positive, foward-thinking content and it will start to be your new norm, too.
What would you add to this list? I hope this post, and the reminder to embrace uncertainty, can be a breath of fresh air for you as you begin your new year. There’s something so wonderful about that blank slate feeling in January!
xx Claire
P.S. For more self-care tips, check out my blog self-care tag here.
