Happy Tuesday, friends! The weather is absolutely dismal here today–in the 40s, dark and raining since early this morning. C’est la spring in Minnesota.
Through the years I’ve frequently gotten into funks–usually after a very intense period of life like a long vacation or a graduation–that plunk me on my bottom (literally and metaphorically) for a week or two. I even once had a months-long period of burnout during my junior year of college where I simply couldn’t be bothered to care about anything for two whole trimesters.
Over time, I realized that my tendency to view things as “all or nothing” really contributes to these periods. If I felt like I was only capable of giving 80%, I might as well not try at all. If I couldn’t do a project from start to finish in a single sitting, why bother? A relationship that didn’t look exactly how I wanted it, wasn’t worth having.
In the past couple of years, I decided to tackle this problem and live a less roller coaster-y, more stable life. As a parent, even during these funks, I still had to watch my baby(s), do the dishes and the laundry. But they certainly did suck the enjoyment and enthusiasm out of life, and I decided that I deserved more than that.
Here are my top changes that have worked for me to live a more emotionally stable, sustainable life:
- Don’t “shoot the second arrow.” In Raising Good Humans, the author tells us that when we make mistakes, it’s our response to the mistakes that’s the real issue. When we focus all our energy on shaming ourselves, the problem doesn’t actually get fixed. So if you’ve been sitting on your butt doing nothing for a week, don’t call yourselves names or think how worthless you are! Offer yourself compassion. What’s done is done, but the future is changeable.
- Don’t let the dailies slide. My daily to-do list includes making the bed, one load of laundry, and getting all the dishes clean before bed. The only thing worse then feeling burned out, is feeling burned out surrounded by a mess. Even if I do nothing else productive, I grit my teeth and do my dailies and the mess doesn’t build up as fast as it would otherwise.
- Unfollow/mute people on social media who trigger the comparison game. I feel quite disconnected when I unplug completely, which I don’t always want. But if someone is posting about their perfect life constantly, I need to not see that while I’m burned out. So I unfollow or mute them temporarily. Yes, even good friends sometimes!
- Stay off the news. I know I’m privileged to be able to stick my head in the sand and block out the world occasionally, but I still need to do it. Otherwise I’m sitting there worried about nuclear war, whether or not I’ll catch JEV when we move to Australia, if my kids will be cyberbullied in ten years, etc. I can’t control any of those things anyways.
- Filter your media intake. I rarely watch movies or shows because they usually trigger anxiety and put me in a funk. But it’s books, too–if I can’t stomach a big, research-heavy book or a dark mystery novel, then I don’t. In fact, I remind myself that I could spend my whole life reading light, girly books and rewatching Lord of the Rings and who cares? It’s not illegal.
- Pour more into self-care than usual. You don’t need to prove yourself worthy again by taking on a new work project or deep cleaning your house. If you’re burned out, there’s a reason–so getting yourself back into tiptop shape is first priority. Everything else builds on your health and mental state, so don’t feel guilty spending extra time on meal prep, getting into bed an hour earlier or taking an extra 10 minutes in the morning to style your hair.
Lastly, whenever I feel like taking on all the things or staying up late finishing the whole project, I gently remind myself that oftentimes, the higher the high, the bigger the fall. I try to relish the simpler, quieter events and accomplishments in life now, instead of looking for big moments.
Anyways, I can hear a child rolling around now–so I’ve got to run.
How do you deal with burnout and keep an even keel in life?
xx Claire