I am burned out, friends–burned out on social media.
I’ve written so much before about social media on the blog. A lot of that came from the vague feeling, pre-kids, that in my romanticized traditional world, we wouldn’t have to meet our social needs online; we’d have vibrant real lives, busy lives full of family and friends and support.
Now that I actually have a family, my reasons for feeling burned out aren’t so hypothetical. First, it’s too much to have an entire virtual world to keep track of plus a busy real life one. I really didn’t know what “busy” meant until I had kids, and I feel like we keep things as simple as possible.
Two, I hate my kids seeing me on screens unless I’m doing something necessary (like say, making an online grocery order or responding to a time-sensitive email). But mindless scrolling is something I don’t want to model yet find myself doing far too much. It always starts out innocently–“let me post this cute photo to Instagram!”–and ends with me checked out, wading through the mud of crunchy mom Facebook groups.
And lastly, I miss stillness. I miss silence. I miss having a mind quiet enough to hear my own thoughts. I miss getting lost in thought, having original thoughts instead of only emotional reactions to something else I read or see.
I read (ironically) a Facebook comment the other day on a thread about social media usage. A woman said, “I used to wonder what our mothers and grandmothers did without social media; now I envy their lives without it.” I even think back to when I was in middle school. Miserable as I was in some ways–socially anxious with my parents getting divorced–at least I was miserable in the absence of social media.
I survived by journaling, imaginative play with my sister (yep, even in middle school), creative pursuits like piano or sketching, and talking with friends on the phone. I never thought I would feel nostalgia for that existence but here we are.
I want that quiet, slow, small, focused existence for my kids. I want less for them than they are offered, so that they might appreciate the little things in life. I want them to get to know themselves in the absence of constant external input (that includes even my own trying-to-be-helpful voice sometimes :P).
During a quiet nap time the other day, I was baking muffins with little e. He asked me to stir batter that was too tough for him. He rested his head on one hand on the counter and looked so cute, I asked him what he was doing. “I’m watching so that I can learn,” he answered with a smile.
That night I deleted Instagram and Facebook from my phone and blocked the Internet app. Our kids are the best teachers sometimes; I need to watch more to learn, too. To be more present in my daily life and do “deep work”; to access the place in my mind that’s capable of creativity and self-reflection, but takes some digging to get to.
I still check in on social media once or twice a day in the evenings. I’m not ready to cut the cord yet. But I love my life without a phone addiction.
xx Claire