I just finished a charming little book called The Finnish Way by Katja Pantzar. The cover makes it look like any other Scandinavian lifestyle book at my local library–I’ve read almost all of them at this point!–but its contents re-sparked my interest in a topic I used to be very interested in: resilience.
Let’s back up a moment and talk about that, because it’s one of those core interests of mine at the heart of many more niche interests.
Let’s back up to 2011.
I decided to take a sociology class with my best friend, because I’d heard it was fairly easy and with a schedule full of AP classes, I needed something lighter too.
A little while into the semester, we briefly studied education systems around the world and talked about how their differences led to different student outcomes: motivation, interest and level of achievement. We watched The Finland Phenomenon because (at the time), Finland topped the charts on international achievement exams in multiple topics.
I already had the goal of becoming a teacher for several years, and I had been tutoring younger students for a while too. But these brief discussions in sociology class, and that documentary, sparked a lifelong interest in comparative education and in particular, how different education systems cultivate different character traits in their students–traits such as resilience.
This was personal to me.
Growing up “gifted” in the 2000s (which simply meant having an aptitude for test-taking), I always felt like my success and self-image were a house of cards. I churned out perfect test score after perfect test score, A+ essay after A+ essay; yet I never felt like those achievements were reflective of me.
You could call it imposter syndrome. But it came from the very real knowledge that I was terrified of rejection and accordingly took few risks; took no to mean this path is closed to you, rather than not this way or try again; and knew, deep down, that teachers and counselors never would have given me a second glance if not for how I looked on paper.
Is that impostor syndrome, or is that realism?
I craved the ability to make choices based on what I wanted, rather than what I was good at. I craved the self-assuredness to consider and pursue what I really wanted in life, to love myself even if I wasn’t the best at it. I knew I lacked resilience, and that I needed it in order to live a fulfilling life.
How was it possible that some people in the world could overcome incredible tragedies and setbacks, but I could be absolutely crushed by getting a C on a paper?
I was so painfully aware of my mental fragility, yet in an educational system that’s “survival of the fittest,” I did not know how to swim against the current and cultivate resilience within myself.
Too, I had witnessed the flip side of the coin: students who were not high-achieving struggled to find any purpose in their education at all. When I reflect back on my tutoring days, the biggest challenge as a tutor was not teaching math or writing or Spanish–it was convincing students that they were capable of problem-solving, and teaching them to persist even when success was not immediate.
Well, you probably know the rest of my story if you have been around here a while. I went off to college, dealt with many personal tragedies (the death of a friend, Lyme disease, an eating disorder and family conflicts), got my priorities straightened out and set off on my own path. That path has not always been easy but I felt in charge of my destiny, finally.
But I often think about how I would like my own children to build resilience throughout their lives, to be able to confidently go their own way with the self-assuredness I lacked until my 20s. And I don’t want it to take tremendous personal tragedies to teach them that. Surely there must be a less traumatic way to gain that quality, which would add so much to one’s everyday growing up, too?
Anyways, this is really all just background for talking about resilience here.
Hope you had a lovely weekend and I’ll be back soon!
xx Claire