Some of the most popular posts on my blog are about social media: simplifying my online presence, an update on my progress, and reflecting on the meaning of Facebook friends. So I think it’s only natural that I address what’s apparently the elephant in the room: why I don’t share pictures of my child on my blog or social media.
I know this is a controversial topic and I will step on some toes. I am touching on this topic here because I receive a surprising number of comments–both in real life and online–from family, friends, and blog readers about my choice not to post pictures of Kidlet’s face or stories from his life online.
(This includes my personal, private social media pages–I have shared just one photo on my personal Instagram and do not plan to share more–as well as publicly on my blog and related profiles.)
Reason #1: Because I’m Wary of His Personal Security
Especially now that I study digital marketing, I am acutely aware of just how much information tech companies and advertisers record about consumers to use for their own purposes. This isn’t a conspiracy theory, it’s simply the truth.
Yes, even as I practice collecting, organizing, and implementing marketing strategy based on this very information. I’m resistant to sharing this information about myself and my child–his birthday, photos, likes and dislikes, hobbies and personality–because, well, “if you’re not paying, you’re the product.” I don’t want marketers to build his profile from birth until he starts using the Internet himself.
Relatedly, and more importantly, once Kidlet’s information is public, who knows who’s looking at it? There are too many people out there with nefarious purposes. Everything from identity theft to stalking and worse. To me, sharing isn’t worth the risks, especially when he’s so young.
Reason #2: Because I’m Nostalgic for the Photo Album Days
On the flip side, another reason I don’t share Kidlet publicly is intensely personal. I’m nostalgic for my own childhood, when photos were taken on film and destined only for the walls and family photo albums. Who knew the world would change so fast with the advent of social media?
At risk of sounding out of touch–many people who know me in real life, I think, see me as a painfully practical and to-the-point person–I often feel as though I was born in the wrong era. I pine for a type of community and personal connection that does not exist anymore. I love working with my hands: gardening, crafting, preserving food. I write short stories about archaic lifestyles I’ll never live and I can feel myself relax and exhale with every step I take away I am from modern civilization.
I could go on, but you get the picture. These are the values I was raised with: a love of privacy, simplicity, closeness to nature and respect for my ancestors. Growing up I never actually went to church but I have always been an intensely spiritual person regardless. And I feel like my parents did it right. I am very content with the person I am and the life I’ve made for myself. I am a solitary person, but a satisfied one. I want Kidlet to feel the same way.
That might not seem related to sharing Kidlet’s life online–but it very much is. My explanation doesn’t do the connection justice, but trust me on this one. It’s about where he derives a sense of self-worth, about who he’s living for.
Reason #3: Because This is My Food Blog
Selfishly perhaps, I don’t want this to be a mom blog. I want it to be a food blog. It’s my personal creative space.
It’s where I shared bits and pieces of my everyday life, although I am not planning to continue my “Life Lately” series into the new year. It’s where I experimented with all different kinds of lifestyle posts, shared my poetry and minimalism journey, and my passion for protecting the environment. Now, it’s where I share my recipes and food photography–the original purpose of my first blog, created in 2015.
On the one hand, sharing about Kidlet would be easy. I’d never run out of things to say and share about him!
But on the other hand, that’s not why I blog. I’m not a content mill. I enjoy the process of becoming a better cook and photographer, hard and time-consuming as it is, and sharing the fruits of my labors with you. And I am still very much a person apart from “Mum.”
(On a side note–a lovely lady on Pinterest made one of my recipes and shared a scrumptious photo! First time that has happened! So glad you enjoyed the recipe if you’re reading here, lovely. xx)
Reason #4: Because I Believe It Should Be Up to Him
There are many types of parents in this world. They each perceive the roles and relationship of parent and child differently. So remember that this is just my take on parenting.
My Thoughts on Autonomy
Let’s get a little personal. When my parents divorced, I (then 13) grew up quickly and learned how to take care of myself to a great extent: managing my time, balancing my academic goals and my mental health, and navigating all the new emotions, experiences, and social scenes that go along with high school.
And I did it quite well. I have always had an independent (or standoffish, some might say) personality. But this led to relationships with my parents that are more egalitarian than many parent-child relationships. I still have huge respect for my parents. I ask their advice on many things and spend a lot of time with them. But they really let me be after the dust from the divorce had settled.
They never asked to see my report card (literally ever), forced me to pursue an extracurricular, or told me I should go to such-and-such college (or even go to college!). They didn’t voice strong opinions on my degree or my career pursuits or my relationship with Eric. In short, they treated me like a little adult from age 14-15 onwards.
And while divorce obviously isn’t an ideal situation, in retrospect I believe that my parents’ loose reins and respect for my decisions during my teenage years, shaped the person I am today for the better. It also continues to shape my thoughts on parenting my own children.
Kidlet’s Life, His Choices
Due to a combination of my experiences growing up, my religious beliefs, and my research on parenting, I believe that from birth, even before Kidlet can talk, he’s his own independent soul with his own feelings and opinions that I don’t know yet. And because I don’t know them–how can I make decisions about sharing his life with others?
Of course he can’t make every decision for himself at the moment. If I let him do that, he’d nurse all day long, sleep on my chest every night and nap, and never sit in his carseat again.
But here’s the thing: those are decisions that have to be made for his own health and safety. Sharing his life online? Not a decision that needs to be made right now. One he actually can make when he’s much older–and there are zero consequences for waiting.
Of course it’s tempting. I think he’s the sweetest, cutest, most brilliant baby to ever have lived. But for me, not sharing all about his life online is the start of a lifelong quest to respect him. He’ll still have to eat his vegetables and say “please” and “thank-you” and learn math, but this is one decision he gets to make for himself.
To be honest–harsh, but honest–I think this is why many people’s Facebook pages, Instagram feeds, blogs etc become overloaded with kiddie content the second they’re born. It’s that tempting, low-hanging fruit. And if we admit it: we share them for our own benefit, not theirs. At least own that fact. I admit I shared a photo of Kidlet for my own benefit when he was about a month old. I wanted to show him off and I own that!
And shame on you especially, Instamums who cram their kids into advertisements every other day. Your kid is not an accessory or a marketing opportunity. They’re a human being, so treat them like it.
Alright, now that I’ve really opened a can of worms here… What are your thoughts on kids on the Internet?