What exactly is a crunchy mom? Some definitions include: someone who raises their children in a natural lifestyle, someone who follows their intuition to parent rather than current trends or official recommendations, or a parent who prioritizes the health of their children and the environment. Some definitions include phrases like “liberal-leaning” while others call crunchy moms “crazy,” “anti-science” or “conspiracy theorists.”
Obviously, there’s not even one official definition, since much of the above is self-contradictory!
The stereotype of a crunchy mom has evolved considerably since the term became popular 15-20 years ago. The pandemic definitely fueled a large part of that change and popularized the idea. People who previously might not have been interested in holistic health, homesteading, medical freedom or alternative diets adopted those values.
My History with “Natural Living”
I became interested in the local food movement and environmentalism in high school after reading Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. It quickly became a passion that I explored in many ways throughout college and young adulthood.
Then I had my first baby, and the pandemic started shortly afterwards. During the isolation, I found myself falling down rabbit holes on the Internet. I discovered that in a pinch, I was a crunchy mom. I knew, intuitively, that the way we were forced to live during those years–without social support, unable to make plans for the future, pressured to make choices that otherwise contradicted our values–was not sustainable. I couldn’t make myself do it when I was struggling so much personally.
Over those years I connected with many other self-identified crunchy moms. After all, those were the only people making any social plans IRL. We related on some topics, but most of them lived rurally and had much different plans for their family’s future . I wasn’t going to homeschool, I didn’t want to buy a farm, and I knew I’d pack my bags and ship off to live abroad if given the chance (and the money). I wanted to work in the future. Not on making cheese or sourdough bread, but in a skilled career. We’re Christian, but church is not the epicenter of our social lives.
Luckily, the pandemic period wasn’t normal life, even though it’s all I knew as a new parent. As COVID faded into the background, I felt alienated from the crunchy identity I’d previously embraced. At the same time, there was no going back to who I had been before kids and the pandemic, either.
There Are More Than Two Choices
After the pandemic, the crunchy mom identity was tainted (to me) with links to a certain former president who won’t be named, the Christian right, and a general air of lofty judgment towards anyone who didn’t breastfeed for four years, homeschool, or cosleep until 10. Yes, I’m exaggerating a bit. But you get the point! Cosleeping, breastfeeding and homeschooling are great–if they work for your family.
At the same time, I am still a questioner at heart. I try to make the choices that are the best for my family, whether they are crunchy, mainstream, or don’t fit a label at all.
I do cook from scratch, limit sugar, avoid refined seed oils, cloth diaper, breastfeed, buy natural fiber clothing and wooden toys, and we don’t own an iPad. We spend as much time outside as possible. Sometimes we buy raw milk.
On the other hand, we supplement with formula. We don’t cosleep, follow strict diets, or desire to homestead. We send our kids to public schools, play PBS kids shows for them, and use conventional medicine as necessary. This includes hospital birth. And my last labor and delivery couldn’t have gone better! Also, having a medically complex baby, now toddler–MRIs are a regular procedure for us still. I am so thankful for all of our doctors, nurses, and specialists over the years.
You don’t have to pick a side. You can mix and match what works for you.
Why I’m Not Crunchy Anymore
The biggest issue I take with the crunchy community–and why I no longer identify with it–is blanket-statement rules and harsh judgment of others who deviate from the “best” path. I don’t like when anyone who hasn’t walked in my shoes tries to tell me how to live my life. Let alone some random influencer or mom I just met at a playgroup!
Nor do I enjoy sitting around judging others for the choices they make, as long as those choices aren’t hurting others. It’s a waste of time, and its only function is to help the gossip-er feel superior to the subject of the conversation. That is not the kind of behavior I want to model for my kids.
Lately I don’t follow any crunchy influencers on social media, just parents who love and enjoy their kids. Some of them are homesteaders (@thekiwicountrygirl on Instagram is a fav), some of them are big influencers (@carly, @blairblogs) and some of them are just living their best lives with their adorable kiddos (@ellencslater, @southerninlaw, @doitallwithellie and a bunch of Eric’s 1001 cousins with kids :P).
I find that I generally relate more to non-American influencers/accounts because they seem to feel more freedom to just exist without labelling themselves, while labels are such an integral part of the American identity.
When I stopped labeling myself, ironically, I felt freer to trust my intuition and make the best choices for our family. What labels do you need to free yourself from?
xx Claire